Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
