I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
