You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
