it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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