You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
