I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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