I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm passing your future prison.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
