She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
