I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
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HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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