i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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