So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
