I just made out with a guy for $7.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
