Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
