Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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