I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Someone signed my nipple.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
