just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
