I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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