ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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