Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize