Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
