I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
