Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
