so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize