OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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