I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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