Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
