One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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