it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
