thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
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It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
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In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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