my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
