Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
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1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
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Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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