whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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