She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
