i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
