break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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