one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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