I'd wear matching sweaters with you
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
we're so committed to being not committed
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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