The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Randomize
