i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
