if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
