rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize