there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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