I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
