I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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