We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
