I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
