I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
