I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
