im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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