I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
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