I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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