i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
