youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
