I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
He felt like a one man threesome
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
