New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I know her cup size but not her name....
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
