I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
that is very illegal...i love you.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
