My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
