I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
