Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
