How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
