i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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